The search for She-Kent wages on; search party now being formed
BY KENT ROBERTS
Kent Roberts realized recently that he has been on the hunt for She-Kent since holding hands with a girl named Sarah at age 4. Kent realized he liked it enough to walk around constantly with her, unable to perform many preschool activities.
She-Kent is Kent’s female counterpart. It is unclear, as yet, whether or not she is a mythical figure.
“She-Kent has never been seen in the flesh, at least not to our knowledge,” reports Kent sexuality correspondent and She-Kent enthusiast Kent Roberts. “Part of the problem is that she has not yet been identified.”
The Kent Media Board of Directors is charged with full-scale verification procedures for any purported She-Kent sightings. The Board has successfully rooted out dozens of imposters over the last 29 years.
Search party announcement
Kent, discouraged by his poor track record at locating She-Kent, is forming a search party – to be composed of Kent staff and advisers – to try to determine the whereabouts of She-Kent. Roberts is clearly worried about his inability to find her.
Recently, while looking in the mirror and drinking apple-orange-pineapple juice, Kent stated his concerns bluntly: “I’m 36, and it is feeling more imperative that I find She-Kent as soon as possible. It’s actually the first step in a complex plan.” Roberts then handed me a document outlining the various components of his potential relationship with She-Kent, in the event that she does ever surface:
- Development of trust/emotional synergy
- Breeding for the creation of additional Kent Juniors
- Talking things over so I’m not always bothering my parents
- Doing things together so I’m not always walking into places and awkwardly handing out my publication.
Roberts is aware that She-Kent may also want to consider him He-[birth name of She-Kent], which is fine by him.